Hey guys! Thank’s for clicking on my blog! Today I wanted to talk about being black. Straight like that. I wanted to blog about this for a while now but I wasn’t really as comfortable like I am now.
***These are my thoughts, my experiences, and my words. Just saying. Enjoy!😽***
“You’re pretty… for a black girl.”
“Oh, thanks…” I say usually with my awkward voice and smile. For years I have been getting the same compliment (I’m not even sure if it’s a compliment) from boys and even some girls. Only about once or twice did I ever ask someone what that meant because I was afraid of what their answer would be. What in the world does this mean?
Each time I heard this I wanted to walk away. Even when I was younger I knew that something about that wasn’t right. It made me feel cringy. It made me feel uncomfortable. If I was pretty but only for a black girl then what does the average black girl look like?
I was raised in a predominantly white town. From Preschool to 5th grade I was in Catholic school. Catholic school is probably exactly how you’d expect it to be. There were very few black students at my many different Catholic schools. I went to 4 different ones and 3 of the 4 shut down. Which is why I went to so many!
I was baptized as a Baptist at a Baptist church. When I was in grade school I also went to church every Sunday as well as Sunday School. I was a black Baptist at a white Catholic school. Things were different. I had to sit out of a lot of things because I didn’t practice the same faith. Sitting out is fine until you’re sitting alone watching what the other kids are doing. I started public school in 6th grade and that’s when my eyes started to open up but nothing changed because middle school was definitely all about fitting in.
Notice I crossed out the word black? I did that because I wasn’t black back then. Sounds crazy right. Like how did she all of a sudden turn black? Because clearly I am black. 😂 My family is from Jamaica so I would always say I’m not black I’m Jamaican. I now know that I am black and I from Jamaican descent. I wasn’t even born there! My boyfriend calls me an “Oreo” because of many things. The way I speak, some things I listen to, the way I carry myself. I have gotten that many times before as well so it doesn’t really bother me BUT are people of certain skin colors strictly suppose to act a certain way?
(No shade babe, I love you! teehee ❤️)
I’m pretty sure I spoke about this before. I was never a big fan of my nose or my lips. I thought they were too big. I didn’t know they were “too big” until the kids with the small lips and noses told me so. I always wanted to get my nose done to make it slimmer. WHICH WOULD BE A WASTE OF MONEY! As for my lips, I love my fish lips now. There are people out there who dream to have these black girl lips. 👄
Black Girls LOVE Weave
Damn, right they do! My hair has been through it all. Well almost all. As we all know, society paints a picture for all of us. Everyone is “supposed” to look the same or a certain way.
I never got a chance to actually KNOW my own hair. Little me didn’t know how to do hair so my lovely momma did those braids with the beads. I remember other little kids
touching them and playing with them. But of course, at such a young age everyone is fascinated. When I was about 8 or 9 I got my first relaxer ever. I remember I wanting my hair to be nice and straight all the time just like my other friends. I got relaxers for the rest of my life until I was 20.
I got clip in extensions in middle school for my farewell dance for more volume and length. I ended up being obsessed and couldn’t take them out since. So between the perms and clip-ins, my hair was just so damaged. I didn’t even include flat ironing my curly hair every single damn day.
It has been almost a year since I went natural. I was just so over having to make myself look like someone else every day. Going natural was such a big deal for me. I was actually more scared of what others would think of me rather than
myself. It was so weird at first. Some people would look at my fluffy hair in awe and ask to touch it like my hair was some sort of odd piece of artwork!
Although I have ZERO ideas on how to work with my natural hair I am starting to finally accept it. Some days I wake up and think I’m absolutely hideous and there are other days when I wake up and think I am a beautiful black queen.
Ladies of color you are without a doubt a melanin goddess. Your hair or skin color doesn’t define you. I wish it didn’t take me as long to realize that. Beauty is always within. As always, thank you so much for reading! Questions, comments, or feedback are always welcome. Make sure to check out my Instagram for daily posts; @T_scorner 💋