A Look Back At My Overdose

Trigger warning: this post discusses self-harm, overdose, and suicide.

Today August 31, is National Overdose Awareness Day. It is a global event held every year to spread awareness about overdose and reduce the stigma of drug-related death. This day is meant to spread the message that overdose is preventable.

An overdose is when you take a drug or a combination of drugs that your body cannot handle. A person can even overdose from alcohol. I’m going to be talking about my experience and what I think. A few years ago I attempted an overdose for the first time. I was hurting so deeply. I felt a pain I didn’t know how to express. So I just gave up. I had no faith in anything. No hope.

It’s weird because I always used to beat myself up about becoming this person. The person that hated life. Before it all, I was an extremely happy high school student. I had amazing friends and great relationships with my teachers. I was one of the captions of my cheerleading team during my senior year. I was on track to go to the college of choice for nursing. I had a side job babysitting so I was making a little extra cash on the side for myself. I was really happy.

The beginning of college was great. It was a new beginning for me. I felt like I was starting to “grow up”. Everything was fine at first. My grades were exceptional. I even made the deans list. I don’t know what happened after that. It was like a switch turned and my life suddenly became dark.

Now that I think about it it was like my “perfect” life just suddenly went away. The routine that I was so used to for many years has gone away. I felt like I had no purpose. I was really lost. I wasn’t talking to anyone.

Until one day I couldn’t take the pain so I decided it would be best to just take my own life. All I had handy was a bottle of Excedrin due to suffering from previous migraines. I held the bottle tight and cried. I knew I really didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain to end.

Overdose is preventable. Of course, it’s not easy and that may not be the case in all scenarios. I tried to take my life 4 more times after that. With everything from over the counter medication to prescribed medication. It never ended well and I always ended up extremely sick. It wasn’t until I was taken by the ambulance and hospitalized for a week in the psych ward that I stopped trying to overdose. It was an experience I’ll never forget.

As a mother, my heart breaks even more for my own mother who had to witness this. She stuck by me and always let me know that she loved me. She never gave up on me no matter what. As a mother, I can’t stand to think that my child can one day feel like how I felt. Sometimes it takes a village and a ton of time to get back on track but when it happens it will be so worth it. It was for me.

“The comeback is always greater than the setback.”

-Unknown

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As always, thanks so much for reading! Questions, comments, and feedback are always welcome. If you enjoyed this post, please comment, like and share! Make sure to check out my Instagram; @tianiangela_ and my latest video on Youtube💋