Trigger Warning: This posts discusses suicide.
A few years ago I completely gave up. I was at a time in my life where death didn’t scare me. I thought about it often. Then one day came and I went for it. It was different than all the other times. This time it almost worked. I downed half a bottle of my prescription medication for depression. After I did that I felt okay. I knew that the pain wouldn’t linger for much longer but instead, I woke up to the paramedics at my house.
I’d never been in the hospital for no more than a few hours. When they told me I’d have to stay overnight (which then became 1 week) I knew I’d really messed up. I cried my eyes out. I was so alone. My mother wasn’t even allowed to see me at first. I’d just hit my rock bottom.
They rolled me up to Regan 2 with a security guard as an escort. I thought to myself, this isn’t me, I don’t need to be here. But then again that’s probably what everyone there thought. During my time there I learned a lot. After spending day after day, minute after minute with quits of few people I’ve learned that everyone has a story. Sometimes we can be so quick to judge without even thinking of giving a chance. But, when you’re in the same situation you start to see things differently. I started to practice gratitude more frequently and over time it’s become something I do daily. I don’t let little unimportant things get to me. I try to stay away from negativity. Sometimes when I start to get myself all worked up over something pesky I just think, it could be worse. Some things are just not worth the energy.
Mental illness is no joke. It exists and people are suffering every day. How you feel is important. I cannot stress that enough. If you or anyone you know is in distress, consider getting help before it’s too late.
I’ll never forget my experience as a patient in the psych ward. I did something incredibly stupid to get there but I was there. I made it through. During my stay I learned that everyone has a story, expressing gratitude is helpful, it could probably be worse and get help before its too late.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
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