Do you know what it’s like living with a mental illness? Not many people do and I wish more people had a better idea of what really goes on. Or a better idea on how to approach someone with a mental illness. Time and time again I find myself in a situation where I just want to curl myself up in a ball and cry because of such little things people do or say. I am almost positive they have no idea this is happening, but it is.
Missing in action (MIA)
“Where have you been”, “Do you even go out anymore”, or “You’ve changed” are just SOME of the annoying questions and comments I tend to receive. I don’t really owe anyone but my elders an explanation. It is exhausting feeling like I have to explain myself. It is a different type of exhaustion that you may not understand. Let me explain. For me, it feels like I am failing at being the “always fun and positive” person It’s like most people expect me to be.
So where have I been? I’ve been hiding.
Relapse
Lots of people with mental illness experience relapse. Basically, that’s just when you start
feeling awful again after finally being happy and “normal”. A lot of my relapse definitely has to do with overthinking. My anxiety is usually through the roof so a few little panic attacks a week doesn’t surprise me. When they started increasing I knew that I needed a break.
Remember I said I was hiding? A part of me really was. My anxiety plays these games with me and I actually feel too scared to be around certain people or really big crowds. I am like a turtle sometimes. I just want to feel safe under my shell and stick with what’s familiar and comforting.
I shortened my social media time and eventually cut it off completely. I was focusing only on ways to get back on track and adapt to my new busy lifestyle.
I won’t lie, I am very much used to things being done for me. That meant I never really had to get my hands dirty. Anyone that knows me knows I absolutely love sleep and being lazy. Now I have 2 jobs and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for school again.
The real life is hard and someone like me needs a bit more time to adapt to it. If that involves disappearing for a while, then that’s what I’ve got to do.
Keep in mind that everyone handles their problems differently. Unless its life threatening to the person or someone else, how they move should be completely up to them. We can’t ever assume we know whats exactly right for someone. Hey, even I still don’t know whats exactly right for me. So I just go with what feels right. To me, that sounds perfect!
Thank you so much for reading! As always, questions, comments, or feedback are always welcome. Make sure to check out my Instagram for daily posts; @T_scorner 💋
Tiani Angela 